morons

This morning, at Jamaica, I got off the train to transfer to the one to Penn. I step off, walk across the platform and wait for the 7:45. It rolls in, stops and we wait. I love when this happens. The doors didn’t open for four minutes. FOUR FUCKING MINUTES.

What were the conductors doing during this time? Were they hiding in their little cubby holes from us? Why does this always happen? Is it so fucking hard to OPEN THE FUCKING DOORS when the FUCKING TRAIN HAS STOPPED?

This happens at Jamaica, it happens at Penn….it happens all over the fucking place. What the hell is going on? I don’t want to hear that “it’s only a few minutes”….Yeah, it’s only a few minutes, but it’s not about the fucking time. It’s about how we’re standing on the fucking platform like assholes waiting for the fucking doors to open. But wait, they’re not opening because some asshole WHO WORKS FOR US doesn’t give a shit about their job.

Enough of this shit already. Next time the fucking doors don’t open, I’m gonna show my ticket later. Let the fucking conductor wait. They made me wait to get it. So now, they can fucking wait to see my ticket.

<img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5131728668895211266" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://static1.squarespace.com/static/55a65992e4b084ed3d3583d3/55a66439e4b0b654c5984181/55a6643ae4b0b654c59841ed/1436968013375//img.jpg about two minutes, then it started again. All we heard was "I don't give a shit man, pay me"…"You had me walking around Brooklyn for three days without my money", "Am I as stupid as I look? Why are you lying to me", "You are disappointing me, I thought I could trust you man"….and on and on and on. All the while, this asshole is getting stares, people asking him to shut up, etc…he just ignores them.

Enough already. Enough of this bullshit. All you have to do is be “disabled” and all the rules are thrown out the window.

If you take the Fail Road, you already know that a woman (disabled) drove her car onto the tracks at the Roslyn Ave. crossing in Mineola. The train then hit her car, but not before an off duty NYPD cop and off duty firefighter pulled her to safety. The woman (who is disabled) had her car ruined. Over 25,000 people were inconvenienced. And, she complained that she wasn’t able to get her pocketbook. I’ll spare you the rest of the details.

What the fuck is going on here? The woman (disabled) is pissed off because the two Samaritans who pulled her to safety wouldn’t let her get her fucking POCKETBOOK before the train tossed her fucking Buick like it was a toy. If I was her, I’d kiss their asses for saving her life. Then, I’d apologize to the thousands of people who she made late. Then, she should thank God himself because she’s still alive and she wasn’t scattered along Roslyn Road.

Also, as you may have noticed, I referred to this woman as (disabled). Apparently all the news outlets have decided that the fact that this woman was disabled has contributed to this incident. The woman needed the aid of crutches to help her walk. This (apparently) also contributed to her not being able to exit the vehicle. It also had something to do with her driving onto the tracks. Someone please tell me how this is possible? What does her being “disabled” have to do with her having her head so far up her ass she not only almost got herself killed, but inconvenienced thousands. Never mind the fact that her little “mistake” could have caused a derailment that could have hurt hundreds and caused who knows how much damage.

It’s people like this woman that should not be allowed to have a license. In fact, elect me, and I’ll make sure they’re not even permitted in public.

Can someone please explain to me how crutches can drive?

One of these days, just one of these days, the Fail Road will get it right…

Every night, when I change trains at Jamaica, there’s a fiasco. I get off the 5:04 from Penn (to Hempstead) to get on my train to WH. The 5:04 arrives on track 8…the WH train is on Track 7. There’s also a transfer to Port Jefferson on track 6. The WH train on track 7 can be used as a bridge to track 6. Sounds simple enough right? If you have to take the PJ train, just walk across the platform…simple…wrong.

Instead, what happens every night is just short of a stampede. The PJ train arrives on track 6…the WH on track 7, the Hempstead on track 8. So, if you need to go track 6 just walk through the train on track 7….But no, instead, the sheeple get off the train, WALK UP OR DOWN THE PLATFORM, then find a door THEN WALK THROUGH THE TRAIN. Wouldn’t it just be easier to just walk DIRECTLY across the goddamn platform? Of course not. Not only is the Fail Road run by assholes, but 90% of its riders are assholes as well. Why do things right when you can do them ass-backward?

On top of all that, there are sheeple waiting to get on the Hempstead train who crowd the fucking doors like they’re giving away food at a refugee camp in Africa. And, there’s the usual drunks milling around the bar cart and more people running THROUGH the WH train on track 7 to transfer to the Hempstead train on track 8. Some nights it resembles a cluster fuck of humanity.

It gets better. With all of this going on, there are still trains that have to leave. The train on track 7 has it’s doors opened on both sides. Keep in mind there are people running all over the place. More than likely you’ll hear one of the “voices of Jamaica” proclaim “last call for the train to WH”…and the sheeple start scrambling. Yet, the conductor only pokes his head out the window. The voice starts again…”last call….”…more scrambling, sometimes there are people yelling “HOLD THE DOORS OPEN!”….but the doors never closed. On top of all this, there’s always some idiot who stops dead on the platform, IN FRONT OF THE FUCKING DOORS WITH A SUITCASE staring at the overhead signs asking people IS THIS THE PAWT JEFFUHSON TRAIN? No it’s not you dumb bitch, is that track 6, can’t you hear the fucking announcements? Get out of my way, I have a train to get on….

My question is: do the idiots making the announcements know what the hell is going on down on the platforms? They can see what’s going on from their room on the platform where they hide (I mean work). How much longer does this have to go on? I keep saying it’s the “little things” the Fail Road should concentrate on. This is one of them.

The solution? Don’t give the last call announcement until the train is ready to leave. The train doesn’t leave for up to three minutes sometimes after the “last call” announcement is made. And, make it only once, about a minute before the train leaves. It would make things much easier and ease the pandemonium at the platform.

Of course, the solution is too simple. If you ask the Fail Road nitwits about this, first they’ll say, “we’ll look into it”…then they’ll do nothing…then they’ll “investigate”…then they’ll hire a consultant (with a huge fee) who’ll tell them almost exactly what I proposed (with a lot more fancy words)…and then they’ll say they will change things at Jamaica…but instead go back to their old ways.

Why change things, you’ve already got us by the balls….

Not a good day on the Fail Road. There are no good days on the Fail Road, but this one was one of the worst in the last month. Let’s start from this morning and work our way to the afternoon.

This morning, I had to take the 7:36, which goes directly to Penn. Not bad, right? Single seat, all the way in…Wrong. I could have taken the 7:17, but I was held up by some gardener’s truck down my block that couldn’t figure out how to make a fucking 3-point turn. I could have turned around, but by the time I got down the block and made a left onto the avenue…I would have been late.

I finally get past the truck when I’m once again stonewalled by the beloved school buses I wrote about the other day. By this time it’s already 7:15 and I know I’m gonna be late. So, I just say “Fuck it…just get to the damn station”.

I get to the station around 7:17. I park in the lot…I wait for a little bit because they don’t open the doors of the train until 7:25 some days. I get to the platform around 7:20…the train is ready, waiting, BEGGING for us to take a seat so it can get on with its only duty in life, to transport us, the riding public. But wait! The doors are closed. The lights on the side of the train are flashing…someone is doing a brake test! Oh shit! I look at the guy next to me, he says “Brake test”….I say…”we’re gonna be late”, he nods. These are probably the same nods exchanged between prisoners against a wall preparing for death by firing squad. Then, we hear an announcement…”The 7:36 to Penn Station stopping at *bla bla bla*…will be operating with fewer cars today, please move to the center of the platform to board”….Fewer cars? We see eight! Let us on!

Finally, we see a Fail Road member, in a hoodie…laughing merrily along the platform. Definitely a crew member, paid by the hour…gotta love those Unions, eh? Someone asks him the obvious, “Is the train cancelled?”…we hear “In a minute!”…Yeah…will we know the train’s status in a minute? Will you answer us in a minute? Do you not give a shit?

Then, the rear two cars get unhooked and are pushed farther down to the end of the track. The remaining six cars are inched up more and go through more “brake tests”. Finally, it’s about 7:

It’s now about 7:30. Still more brake tests. Finally! The doors open! But no explanation as to why the short train.

We get on. We sit there until about 7:42. Are we waiting for any passing trains? What the fuck are we waiting for? No answers, nothing. At least we left.

Since this was a 6 car (6 fucking car) train direct train to Penn, it was crowded by the time we picked up the Westwood passengers. By the time we got to Jamaica, it was like a sardine can. We got to Jamaica late (what else to expect?). We finally arrive at Penn around 8:37 instead of 8:29. No, “sorry we’re late” announcements. I finally arrive at the office around 8:50 (once I negotiated the Pedestrian Spam of 7th Avenue)….

And this was only the morning.

I left on the 4:19, a double-decker (see left). It goes to Port Jeff…change at Jamaica for home. The fun begins at Penn. I see suitcases! Big ones! Rolling ones! Big ones being pulled by small people! Shit! The next thing I know, there’s some Indian woman blathering away on her cellphone and she drags this 1000lb. rolling case into the train. Keep in mind from Penn to Jamaica I usually stand in a vestibule because a) I can’t be bothered to fight for a seat, I’ll leave that to the rest of the idiots, and b) the seats are uncomfortable…I’ve been sitting all day anyway, I’ll stretch my legs. So, this woman parks her rolling case right in the middle of the vestibule. If anyone was coming up the steps or into the train, they would have fallen over this case. Also, the damn thing is blocking me because her goddamn cell phone conversation is so fucking interesting, I am invisible. I look at her as to say, “move the goddamn case, it’s in the way and not in a good spot”…she ignores me. Oh well. She’s still talking on the phone and making funny faces and waving down to the lower level where her kid and husband are sitting. Nice.

Then, more people came on with even bigger bags (and tried to stuff them into the overheads). I wish I had a camera. You fucking morons! Please, please Fail Road, BAN THESE LARGE SUITCASES FROM THE TRAIN OR FORCE PEOPLE WHO BRING THEM ON TO PAY A “PENALTY”. They are dangerous, take up space and have no place on a train. If your case is bigger than you…..YOU NEED TO BRING LESS SHIT AND YOU NEED TO CALL A CAB, IT DOESN’T BELONG ON A FUCKING TRAIN.

We finally get to Jamaica and I change for the train home. It’s supposed to arrive at 5:06…it arrives at 5:13. Late again. No announcement, no apology. This train has been late the last 5 times I have taken it. I take it about once every two weeks. Sometimes less.

Why can’t the Fail Road just get it right? Just once? Just get it right, please?

Thanks Fail Road. And thanks to the assholes who ride it, bring in your furniture next time. Have a great weekend.

My time wasted by the Fail Road this week, 45 minutes….

If you read this, you must be thinking that I am constantly pissed off. That is not entirely true. At times, I am always pissed off. Most of the time, I just tolerate things. There’s not much I can do. If I did, there would be a long line of victims in my wake.

Sometimes people tell me to be “happy”. I am “happy”. My idea of “happy” is different from most people. For me to be truly happy, everything would have to stop being such a goddamn ordeal. Inconsequential things like driving to the train station, the trip on the train, the idiots I have to deal with on the train, the Lead Footed Pedestrian Spam of 7th Avenue…little things like that. That’s all I ask. Do you jobs, shut up, and get out of my way. Is that too much to ask?

I try not to be too “happy” anyway. If you’re happy for too long, you’re only setting yourself for the inevitable disappointment. It’s better not to expect too much. All you get is shit anyway. Once in a while when things actually make sense and work out in your favor, it’s a nice surprise. But, don’t let that go to your head because someone, somewhere will fuck it all up all over again.

Now, I am “happy”. I’m getting ready to watch a hockey game (it’s a Devils game but it’s better than nothing. The real hockey team in New York, the Rangers, are on tomorrow). And, C.S.I.: New York is on later. How much better can it get? Sure enough, tomorrow morning will be upon us and I’ll have to take out the shovel once again and deal with the garbage the day thrusts upon me.

Thanks again, fellow idiots (I mean commuters) for making me late again tonight. Especially you cretins on my train to WH tonight going home. The train was supposed to arrive at 5:55. Instead, we arrived at 6:02. Only 7 minutes late you say? No big deal, right? At least you got home…

The reason we were late was because nobody listens to the goddamn announcements. There are short platforms on my branch. The first two cars do NOT PLATFORM going East. The LAST TWO cars do not platform going West. On the way home, the conductor makes periodic announcements that the FIRST TWO CARS do not platform at Westwood, Malverne, Lakeview and Hempstead Gardens stations. The really good conductors even give you WHICH CAR NUMBERS will NOT platform at the above stations. After Westwood (where the first two cars do not platform) there’s even an announcement (most times) where the conductor says, “IF YOUR CAR DID NOT PLATFORM AT WESTWOOD IT WILL NOT PLATFORM AT MALVERNE, LAKEVIEW, OR HEMPSTEAD GARDENS, PLEASE WALK BACK).

You must be saying, “So what’s the problem?” The problem is that NOBODY PAYS ATTENTION. We were late again tonight because no less than 5 people had to run through two cars because they didn’t hear the announcements. One idiot was even standing there while the platform flies by. He’s still standing there (staring at the ballast on the trackbed) WAITING FOR THE DOORS TO OPEN…until someone says, “Hey, the doors don’t open here”….”OH SHIT!”, the cretin says…as he runs through the car (rolling case trailing behind) screaming, “HOLD THE DOORS!”….On the inside I’m screaming too “YOU FUCKING TOOL! TURN OFF YOUR FUCKING IPOD!”.

This happened at Westwood, Lakeview and Hempstead Gardens. The idiot at Hempstead Gardens couldn’t fit his goddamn rolling case between the seats. And, it was too heavy to lift, so he just pushed it through WHILE THE REST OF THE TRAIN WAITED…AND WAITED….AND WAITED…un–fuckin‘-believable. While he’s sweating and grunting to get the case through he kept saying, “I didn’t hear any announcements…ha ha ha”….YOU ASSHOLE. ALL WE HEARD WERE ANNOUNCEMENTS.

The moral of this story, PAY ATTENTION. Pay attention to the train announcements, pay attention to your conductor. As much as you may hate the man/woman who takes your tickets, when they say something, LISTEN TO IT. It could make a lot of people happier and get home on time.

But no. Everyone has to be special. Everyone has to do what they want. Everyone else has to follow the rules but they are immune. Everyone doesn’t want to have their feelings hurt by being told what to do. Go fuck yourself. Shut up, turn off the iPod, pull your head out of your ass, and listen.

Not only would it make me happy, you will make a lot of other people smile too. They’ll be smiling because they’ll be home on time.

West Hempstead Branch Stations from LIRRHISTORY.COM

I would like the thank the morons on the steps going down to Penn that made me late for the 5:04 today. Yeah I left the office late, yeah there was a crowd of people to push through and all that other crap. If not for these gimps on the steps, I could have made that train.

Why are people so goddamn stupid? If you can’t wal

k normally, THEN WHY THE HELL ARE YOU TAKING THE GODDAMN STAIRS….TAKE THE GODDAMN ESCALATOR!!! What the hell are you trying to prove? That you can hold up almost a hundred of your fellow commuters? That you can make a lot of people angry? That you can make people late?

There must 50 or 60 steps on that staircase. It’s hard for people who can walk NORMALLY. What the hell are you morons doing there? If you can’t even walk STRAIGHT or you have a goddamn CANE….YOU SHOULDN’T BE ANYWHERE NEAR THE FUCKING STEPS.

Next time I see one of these old bags, I swear I will throw th

em down the steps. It’ll take care of two things at once. And, I won’t be late for my train.

No I won’t leave earlier. I was held up because the elevator in my building took a half hour to get to my floor. On top of that there was the usual lead feet on 7th avenue who act like they have NEVER SEEN A TALL BUILDING IN THEIR LIVES. MOVE OVER YOU ASSHOLES!!!! People have better things to do than walk around you.

On my shit list:

– Tourists

– Old People

– Slow people

– Stupid people

– Cellphones

– BlackBerries

– Fail Road Management

My complaint:
Customer (Phil….) – 08/15/2007 06:56 AM
Does anyone know why the 7:45 Jamaica-Penn “express” was held for 15
minutes today at Jamaica? The train arrived at 7:50 (5 mins late in
the real world). Just before it arrived, the 7:45 to FBA (my train
from WH) was last called and left. No announcements made about it
being late, nothing.

So the 7:45 arrives and we sheeple get on…and it sits there. After
a few minutes, we saw important looking Fail Road types with walkie
talkies squawking, shiny badges, serious looks and walking down the
platform as if their feet were stuck in gooey glue.

There was meeting of the brains around the 8th car (these serious
Fail Road types and the crew). And still, no announcement. But
wait! There’s a train on track 4! It says Penn Station! That’s the
train I wanna be on! Now there’s a steady trail of morons running
out of the train to track 4. What they didn’t notice was that it was
a “No passengers” train. I heard someone say, “maybe they’ll stop
here and help us”. HAHAHAHAAH!!! You are so naive lady. Said morons
file back into train. There were other trains that arrived like the
7:53, but by the time it was announced and I ran down the platform up
the steps (with the leadfeet) and down the steps again, I would have
missed it).

So, it’s now about 8:05, the meeting outside the train is still
ongoing. I wonder what they’re speaking about? Astrophysics, the
Mets, the Yankees, where to go for lunch?

A lady by the door then asks a collector if we’re leaving soon and he
says, “yeah, we are”. She goes, “now”? He says, “whenever we feel
like leaving” NICE!

So we finally leave, no announcement, no apology, Nothing. Tickets
weren’t even taken. If they were, there would only be shreds of the
collectors uniforms left.

Total travesty. How come there was no announcement made? How come
we were held there for so long. What was the problem?

I was 10 minutes late. While I do not punch a time card, it would be
nice to know what the problem was this time. I didn’t see any rain,
or snow. Could it have been “switch problems” or the usual shoddy
service we have come to know from the FAIL ROAD.
You have a lot of work ahead of you, Ms. Williams…..it’s been
broken since 1834.

Their Reply:
Subject
—————————————————————
Why Was the 7:45 “Express” to Penn From Jamaica Held for 15 minutes
on 8/14?

Discussion Thread
—————————————————————
Response (Jennifer Uihlein) – 08/28/2007 03:05 PM
Dear Mr. L:

Thank you for your e-mail. Please accept my apologies for your
dissatisfaction with the service provided on August 14, 2007. We
recognize that effective communication with our employees and
customers is essential, and on that end, we regret that we did not
meet those needs. As information, on the date you referenced, the
train scheduled to depart Jamaica at 7:45 AM and arrive at Penn
Station was delayed in Locust Manor due to an ill passenger. The
customer was removed upon arrival at Jamaica Station.

I appreciate your understanding in this matter and hope that your
future travels are more satisfactory in nature.

Sincerely,

J. Uihlein
Editorial Officer
Public Affairs

If this response did not address your e-mail, use the Send E-mail
button.

Question Reference #070815-000005
—————————————————————
MTA Service: Long Island Rail Road
Sub-Product: Penn Station & Western Terminals
Category: Complaint
Date Created: 08/15/2007 06:56 AM
Last Updated: 08/28/2007 03:05 PM
Status: Closed
Date/Time of Event: 08/14/2007 07:45 AM

Location of Event
—————————————————————
Jamaica Station

My comment:
Next time, just tell us that the train is being delayed for whatever reason. Don’t just leave us hanging there.
Typical. What else should we expect. I bet the passenger was sick because of the shit service.

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LIFE ON THE FAIL ROAD

MY TRIALS, TRIBULATIONS AND OBSERVATIONS ON THE LIRR…AND ANYTHING ELSE THAT CROSSES MY MIND

Open the %&#$& Doors You Morons!

“You Be Quiet, Shaddup!…But I Can Do What I Want”….

How can crutches drive?

Changing At Jamaica….

Friday’s Crap…

Unhappy…

“The First Two Cars Do Not Platform At…”

Invalids on the Stairs

The Fail Road’s Reply To My Complaint