morons

Clueless conductors

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Conductors on the LIRR are quite possibly the stupidest people on earth.

The lazy bastards ‘t open the doors when the train is at the station, so we wait there like assholes until the douchebag in the funny hat decides he wants to open them. On the WH branch, they never remind the passengers in the first two cars that the first two cars don’t stop at their station. Every night we must endure the usual (WAIT! DON’T CLOSE THE DOORS!”) run up the cars….

It gets better. Tonight, the WH train said “Long Beach” on both signs (inside and outside). One announcement was made, but not everyone heard. There were some people on the train who thought it was going to Long Beach, the never got off. Why couldn’t they just turn off the sign? The overheads above the platform were correct. Whatever. Turning them off would have been too fucking hard.

Conductors are assholes….CLICK CLICK TICKETS PLEASE!

Your children should not be my problem

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What is it with you morons and your children? Why do you insist on making your children my problem? Why are strollers and children even permitted on rush hour trains?

The other day, (matinee Wednesday of course) , there was a family who was obviously on a day trip. Two kids, in two strollers, on track 16, boarding the 5:23, not good. The brood was also accompanied by two very large bags, which appeared to be larger than their children. Why bother with the strollers if you have bags that large? Just toss the kids in the bags…that’s for another post. The children appeared to be between 2 and 2 and half years old.

I am sitting in one of the seats in the “back” section, where the pulldowns are. The “family” passes me, moving towards the yard. I breathe a sigh of relief. Maybe they will go in another car and leave us alone. A minute passes, and they appear again, walking in the other direction, staring into the windows. This is not good. They are looking into the car I’m in.

Of course, they get on. Or at least they try to get on. There were already people standing in vestibule. The woman loudly announces her intention to get on, as if they poor guy already standing there has committed a crime by being there. “EXCUSE ME SIR!”, she says. He grumbles and steps out so she can get on with her husband (why are they always silent) and the two kiddies, the strollers, and the bags.

Now they have entered. There were two people sitting at the pulldowns, one on each side of the car. The woman proceeds to give them the death stare until they notice her…..

The Ghost Conductor Strikes Again

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This morning, I was reminded once again why the Fail Road employees are government employees. Apparently, it’s too hard for the conductors to say “tickets please” as they walk through the cars.

This morning, I’m standing in my usual spot in the vestibule, reading the paper. I was not yapping into a cell phone or hypnotized by a Crackberry or spaced out from an iPod. As I am reading, I see someone staring at me from the reflection of the glass in the door. Does he say “tickets please”? No. He still stares. So, I don’t move. I’m waiting for government employee ignoramus to say something. After about a minute, I turn towards the center of the car and show Mr. Funny Hat my ticket. He walks away.

Is it that hard to say “tickets please” as you are walking through the car? Maybe it needs to be written into their Union contracts. You’d think they’d want to check tickets as fast as they could so they could rush back into their little cubby holes and hide.

Lazy bastards. Would saying something be too physically taxing?

The train car as dressing room

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Hey assholes…the train car is not your fucking dressing room. There is no reason why you should block the aisles because you need to button your massive coat or pile on the layers and the scarf and the hat.

It gets cold here, but it’s not the fucking arctic circle.

Keep your coat on in the train, put your scarf in your briefcase or take it off and hold it. Put your gloves in your pocket.

There’s no need to block people. The train aisle is not a fucking runway or dressing room. Nobody cares about you. AND GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY WAY. You know who you are.

The Fail Road Is Clueless (Again)….

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Once again, the morons that run the Fail Road prove that they are utterly clueless about the needs of their customers. In their infinite wisdom, they have decided to make Martin Luther King, Jr. Day a “holiday” and run trains on a modified holiday schedule. This means that instead of the regular weekday schedule, I will have to get on the 6:50 am train. The next train will be at 8:50am.

What the fuck? That is total bullshit.

Besides the fact that it’s a regular workday for me, it is also a regular workday for hundreds of thousands of others. Why would the Fail Road run on such a schedule for MLK day? Last time I checked, the employees get enough time off. Let them earn their money. Does the Fail Road think because there’s a holiday that everything just shuts down?

The reason why the Fail Road did this is because they are fucking clueless. And, I bet is has something to do with the fucking unions and their bullshit rules regarding days off and other garbage. With all the benefits the employees are fucking us up the ass for (which are extorted via “negotiations”) I would think they days off that are received in a private entity should be forfeited. All days off except the “major” holidays such as New Year’s Day, July 4h, Labor Day, Memorial Day, Christmas and Thanksgiving. They should do this because they WORK FOR THE PUBLIC. And, as such, they should be available to SERVE THE PUBLIC.

Once again, we hard working Fail Road riders have been shat upon. Send emails and complaints to the LIRR. Let them know how wrong they are. They work for US goddamnit.

This is us, the Fail Road rider, shit upon once again:

Thieves

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It’s official. My years of “speculation” have been confirmed. Fail Road employees are thieves. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, those “hard working, honest and *cough* dependable” Fail Road employees are THIEVES.

I knew this all along. Not only are they emptying our pockets by accepting their paychecks, but it gets better for them as they seem to get full disability for a hang nail.

Throw them all in jail. Maybe they can work on their golf swings in jail, fucking morons.

If any one of you assholes disgarees with me, you don’t have a leg to stand on. Look at the facts. This only proves that you morons don’t show up every day because you like what you do. You’re only in it for the perks. And, we pay.

ENOUGH!

Bags, Bags Everywhere

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What is the obsession that some people have with massive bags? Huge pocketbooks….massive bags slung over their shoulders, those fucking rolling suitcases, plastic bags that look like tarps with handles…and why must they bring all of these on the fucking train?

I have nothing against any kind of (briefcase, gym or old bag). What I don’t like is why certain people feel their bag should cause the latest bruise on your foot or almost knock you upside the head.

Let’s use this morning as an example: I get off the train at Penn….there’s the usual asshole with one of those fucking rolling cases walking slow directly in front of me. I try to get around this asshole, and they change directions, running over my foot. I actually kicked the bag, told them to be careful. The asshole said, “sorry, I’m late”. FUUUCK YOUUU!

So then I finally go up the big stairs on by tracks 18&19 and what do I see? ANOTHER asshole with not one but TWO ROLLING CASES. What the fuck!? Of course, this fucker is walking as slow as shit (like the other few hundred people around me). Luckily, he didn’t run over my foot, he got the guy next to me. What is it with these assholes and their sudden urge to change directions? Why can’t they walk as fast as they change directions? Morons…

Finally, I get to the escalators at the 34th street entrance. This is always fun. There’s always some fucker with a bag over their shoulder with no regard for who is behind them. Of course, there’s a fucker in front of me with a Dell bag. He get a call on his cell. Lookout! Almost hits me in the head. I wanted to unzip something so it would fall out as he’s walking across 34th. Fuck his computer, so what he loses all his porn. But I didn’t, I was feeling nice this morning.

It is like this almost every fucking morning. When will these people learn that this is unacceptable? Would they like it if I ran over their feet? Or almost whacked them in the head with my laptop bag? Or if I slowed down to a snail’s pace because I have so much shit in my fucking bag that I can’t even drag it ON IT’S FUCKING WHEELS? No, they would not like it.

Pull your head out of your asses people. Wake the fuck up.

I See Slow People….

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…all around me, all over the place, in my way, pissing me off…

What is it with you people who walk like fucking turtles? Is there something medically wrong with you? What’s your fuckin‘ deal? Do you need an incentive to move your asses?

I would like to say that this is only true for the tourists, but it’s not. If it was mainly the tourists, I’d let it slide. They’re tourists, they don’t know any better. However, there’s no excuse for New Yorkers to be like this.

Every morning, while walking to my office, I feel like a running back dodging these assholes. It’s a constant stream of assholes looking at their cellphones, staring at buildings, bullshitting on their cellphones, bullshitting with someone else, holding fucking hands with their wives/girlfriends/mistress, whoever. And, there’s my all-time favorite asshole: The one who receives a call on their cellphone and immediately stops dead in his tracks. Can’t these fuckers walk and talk at the same time? Apparently it’s too taxing on their pea-brains.

Perhaps they’d move their asses if there were $50 bills hanging from the “Don’t Walk” signs. Maybe they’d move a little faster if there were announcements saying “the faster you cross the street, you get a free coffee from Starbucks…”. Whatever it is, something needs to be done.

I forgot to mention that it gets ever worse when it rains. Apparently the combination of rain and umbrellas renders the part of brain that controls motor movements completely useless. Not that the rest of their brains actually did something…but you get the picture.

I also have found that people seem to walk slower in the mornings than they do in the afternoons. Why is that? Wouldn’t you want to get to your job faster so that you spend LESS time there? Take your time walking home. It’s almost as if they don’t want to go to their jobs. Someone should tell these assholes that without their fucking jobs, there’s no more fancy umbrellas, cellphones, Starbucks coffee and the other bullshit things they equate with their supposed intelligence and success.
MOVE YOUR ASSES YOU LAZY BASTARDS!