gaps

We’re Not THAT Stupid…Are We?

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The Fail Road has hit a new low. This time, our money was wasted to print up fliers to tell us things we should ALREADY KNOW. Yet, since most Fail Road riders are too fucking dumb to know this shit already, the Fail Road felt the need to print these fliers. Click on them to enlarge.
Do we really need our Rail Road to tell us NOT TO CROSS THE TRACKS EXCEPT AT CROSSING? Or to be aware of small children on the train or to GET OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY OF PEOPLE AS THEY TRY TO EXIT THE TRAIN? These things should be innate. They should be self explanatory. If not, they should be learned through observed behavior.
Yet, since the average Fail Road rider has the brain of a fuckin‘ gnat, the powers that be of our beloved Fail Road felt the need to print these pieces of garbage. If you can’t figure out that the people that are ALREADY ON THE TRAIN need to leave BEFORE YOU GET ON, then not only should you be beaten profusely about the head but your stature as a “normal” member of society should be questioned. GET OFF YOUR CELL PHONES, LOOK DOWN, AND DON’T BE SO FUCKIN‘ STUPID.
From now on, I’d like to say this to all dimwits and pea-brains who ride the Fail Road:
I WANT you to cross the tracks everywhere BUT the crossings. I WANT you to push your way into the car before everyone has left. I WANT you to fall through the gaps. Maybe you’ll meet Mr Clifford and he’ll finish off the job…

GAPS!!!!!

plfailroad, , , , , , , , 1 Comment

This time, a 60 year old woman was sucked into the abyss at the Syosset station. Oh…the humanity. Said “victim” was boarding the train with luggage and she “slipped through the gap”…She used her arms to keep from falling through. She was then treated a cut to her shin *yawn* is that all? I mean, SHE FELL THROUGH THE GAP!!!!! She wasn’t maimed? She didn’t lose a limb? She wasn’t mauled by a runaway circus animal? She wasn’t scarred for life? What a waste!!! I bet the writer at Newsday was disappointed that’s all she had wrong with her. There goes his chance at a Pulitzer….

These big, bad gaps have been present on the Fail Road for at least 40 years in some places. Why is it that people have only started falling through them in the past year and a half? Did everyone lose their balance and intelligence at the same time? Or, can we blame Newsday for blowing the whole Natalie Smead incident out of proportion? Maybe there’s a correlation between the attention Newsday has brought to this “gap problem” and the fact that the MTA/Fail Road has stopped advertising in Newsday’s pages…hmmmmm…Btw, a report found Smead to be at fault, but whatever.

The gap has been there probably for longer than we have all been taking the damn trains. They are there, so YOU have to pay attention. Turn off your iPods. Turn off your cell phones. Stop reading while you walk. Pick up your feet when you walk. If your luggage is too heavy to pick up, YOU SHOULDN’T BRING IT ON TO THE TRAIN. And, just PAY ATTENTION. It’s that simple. The Fail Road should not have to remind the passengers every two minutes to “Watch the Gap” with those idiotic on-train announcements. They should not have to waste OUR MONEY to plaster every square inch of free station space with those awful “Watch the Gap” signs. They shouldn’t have to do anything. It’s the duty of the passengers to LOOK DOWN…

I would love to conduct a “gap test”. This test would take place at the big bad Syosset station (the same one that mercilessly sucks unwitting passengers into the deep, dark abyss). I will call it the “Money Bag” test. I will take the same people who fell through (or stepped into) the “gap” back to the Syosset station. I will place them on the platform. I will place a $100 bill on the floor of the train. I will then tell them to get that $100 bill (which will require them to step over the gap!!!). I guarantee you 100% of the time NOBODY WILL FALL THROUGH.
Hopefully, the Fail Road will wise up and let me conduct this test.


Look out!!! THE GAP IS GONNA SUCK YOU IN!!!! BUAHAHAHAHAHA….
GAPS!!!! LOOK OUT! 😉