Author: plfailroad

The Gum Chewing Man…

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When riding the Fail Road on a consistent basis, you notice many people. Most people are the usual hard-working kind, who just want to get to and from work with as few problems as possible. Then there are others who you notice because they do certain things that are just plain fucking annoying. Take this guy, for example…

There’s a guy who gets on the train at Westwood. He constantly chews gum. Big deal. Except, he chews his cum like a cow. His jaw moves in a circular motion. Mouth wide open, fillings and crooked teeth all visible. If this guy didn’t wear his usual sweater vests or cheaply made off the rack Syms suits, you’d think he would be ready for his morning milking. If this dude has a dental plan, he ain’t using it. I bet if there was someone sitting next to or across from him and they were chewing their gum like some fucking cow in a field, he’d be the first one to complain about it.

On top of this, he uses the train as his own personal dressing room. As he gets on the train and finds his seat, there are still people walking behind him. Once he finds his seat, he doesn’t just sit down, he blocks the aisle and proceeds to remove his jacket verrrrrrrrryyyy sllllooooowwwwllyyyyy (all while chewing his gum like a cow). In addition, he sometimes leaves his briefcase on the floor next to his seat and leans on the guy next in the window seat so he can toss his coat/jacket on the overhead rack. What a fucking tool.

While he does this, he’s totally oblivious to the angry looks, snorts and people calling him names or telling him to move. Then, when he’s done, if he’s not reading his newspaper (while chewing his cud), he’s staring at people. Why? What’s this guy’s deal anyway? Weird fuckers like this deserve to be locked up.

Hey asshole, the fucking train is not a dressing room. Get to your fucking seat and park your ass in it. You’re not special.

The Return…

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After another lengthy absence, I have returned. I kind of forgot about the blog for a while, being busy with a few things after work and on the weekends. That’s going to change.

There’s a lot of bullshit that’s happened (and definitely more to happen) on the good old Fail Road. And there’s a lot to write about (morons with sunglasses (again), the summer weekend warriors with their cellphones, huge suitcases and their fucking dogs….).

I’m back 😉 This will be fun 😉

A Ticket Doesn’t Guarantee You A Seat…

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What is it with some people?  Why do some people think just because they purchased a ticket that they’re guaranteed a seat?  And, why do these same people think that they’re not only guaranteed a seat but they’re guaranteed the SAME seat every day?  I know we’re all creatures of habit (most of us at least).  And, we don’t like surprises.

The other day I witnessed something that made me laugh yet feel totally disgusted at the same time.  I get on at Jamaica (to go to Penn) and take my usual spot in the vestibule.  A few seconds later, a woman gets on.  She goes down the aisle (presumably to her seat)…she notices there’s someone in her seat.  She then proceeds to tell the person to move.  That this person is in “her seat”.  I couldn’t believe it.  Some people started laughing.  The guy in the seat told her to go find another (no easy task on a 7:45 express to Penn).  She said, “you don’t understand, I sit there all the time…” and he told her to fuck off.  
What the fuck is going on here?  Where do these people get off telling someone else that they are in their seat?  Does a Fail Road ticket come with a personal seat license?  Is it like a season ticket at Giants Stadium?  Should we expect to see the same fucking people every fucking day on our usual trains and ALSO see them in the same fucking seat?
Maybe there should be ushers in every car checking tickets to make sure that only monthly holders take seats first and let the rest of those sorry bastards take whatever they can get. Enough is enough. 
The riders of the Fail Road must be one of the largest collection of imbeciles on this Earth.

It’s The Least Wonderful Time Of the Year…..

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Contrary to what the media, songs, or even your family would like you to believe…this is the worst time of the year. This is NOT the “most wonderful time of the year”. People don’t wake up the day after Thanksgiving and are suddenly awash in Christmas cheer and goodwill towards their fellow humans. In fact, it’s the total opposite.

This is the time of the year when people act like total fucking assholes. They push, they shove, they complain, they travel with their children. Then there’s the tourists. I know they help the city with their dollars, but why can’t they stay the hell out of our way? Tourists should not be allowed on the streets from 6AM-9AM and from 4PM-7PM. All they do is clog up the streets and impede our progress. Yes, it’s the Empire Fucking State Building and it’s fucking tall NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY.

Please, tell everyone you know that just because it’s the holidays that it doesn’t allow them to act like a fool and think the world revolves around them. If they are travelling with children or with large packages, please tell them to use their common sense. Before you attempt to get on an already crowded train with Toys R’ Us bags, 2 kids (with strollers) and a massive pocketbook…ask them how they would feel if they were the sorry bastard just trying to get home from work. Would they want to hear the children complaining, the cell phone going off, the crying, etc…I think not. In fact, I think it would piss them off a lot. Remember, your children should not become my impediment or headache. You had them, you deal with them.

Another thing is not to travel in hordes during rush hours. Again, it’s the tourists. If you NEED to travel in a group, GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY. Or, stay in Jersey.

Finally, when you walk, MOVE YOUR FUCKING FEET. Walking means you put one foot in front of the other and you PUSH. That means you actually MOVE. You don’t shuffle, you don’t mope, you DON’T SLOW DOWN WHEN YOU TALK ON YOUR FUCKING CELLPHONE and you don’t READ THE PAPER WHILE YOU TRY TO WALK. Half of you people can’t even chew gum and walk, what makes you think you can READ A GODDAMN NEWSPAPER and walk?

As you notice, I love this time of the year. It would be the best time of the year, if not for all the assholes…

Fail Road’s Response To My Inquiry About Nov 13th’s Mess

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After the bullshit from Nov 13th, I sent an email to the MTA asking what was their excuse for their poor performance. 
Here’s their reply…It’s a lot of words that just say “go fuck yourself”…
—–Original Message—–
From: MTA Email [mailto:mta_nyc@custhelp.com]
Sent: Thursday, November 15, 2007 9:19 AM
To: xxxxxxxx
Subject: What Is The Excuse For the Idiocy of November 13th? Incident:
071113-000249
DO NOT REPLY TO THIS MESSAGE.
Recently you requested personal assistance from our on-line support
center. Below is a summary of your request and our response.

Subject
—————————————————————
What Is The Excuse For the Idiocy of November 13th?

Discussion Thread
—————————————————————
Response (Kevin Kade) – 11/15/2007 09:18 AM
Dear xxxx:

We have received your email regarding the Railroad’s performance in
November. Thank you for taking the time to write.

First, we apologize for any difficulties you have experienced as the result
of delays on your trains … and we make no excuses for them. We will try to
answer your questions however, and give you the reasons and/or facts behind
those delays.

Your estimate of train numbers was correct … it was one train. But that
train failed in an essential place and caused extensive delays on all of our
branches of up to and exceeding 30 minutes. The train failed in one of the
four tunnels that connect Penn Station with Long Island. Those tunnels are
owned by Amtrak (as is Penn Station) and shared by the LIRR, New Jersey
Transit and Amtrak. Having just one of them blocked during rush hour is a
serious problem that always leads to significant delays. Can we do better in
these circumstances? Probably not. With 25% of our ability to move equipment
eliminated, during rush hour when the entire operation of each rail system
is operating at maximum capacity, we believe we are maximizing our options.

The closing of Penn Station in these circumstances is handled by the New
York City Police Department and the New York City Fire Department. LIRR
employees operate on the LIRR Concourse level in Penn.

While we understand your frustration just after and/or during a major
service disruption, here are two other facts that may lend some perspective:
the LIRR’s On Time Performance for the year 2007 is the highest OTP we have
ever recorded for a year. There are still two tough (weather wise) months to
go, but we are hoping (and striving) to break the old record … and then to
build on a new one. Also, up until this incident occurred (where the
mechanical failure of one train ruined the evening for most of our
customers), our OTP for November was the best the Railroad has ever recorded
for the month of November.

Finally, we don’t want to leave the impression that we are satisfied with
OTP numbers of 94% or slightly higher … our goals are higher, and we hope
to provide you with better service in the future.

Sincerely,
K.Kade/PublicAffairs

Customer…. – 11/13/2007 09:27 PM
Please please please tell me what is the latest excuse for tonight’s latest
disaster.
How many trains were stuck?? It had to be one.  But I heard there were 3
stuck?  Is that true?  If so, what the hell is going on?

Also, please tell me why there were no employees posted at the entrances
(which were closed) or at strategic areas (such as near the New Jersey
Transit concourse (where I was herded) or the 34th street entrance (also
closed).

It is not just me but there are hundreds of thousands of people that are
sick and tired of every delay being treated like the first time it has ever
happend.  Has there NEVER BEEN A STUCK TRAIN IN A TUNNEL BEFORE?  Can’t your
organization deal with it any better?

Why is it that whenever there is some sort of issue, your entire operation
just shuts down? Is that any way to run an organization?

Your entire operation is a mess.  I can’t believe I pay every month for the
privilege of being late to home and work on a regular basis.  Thank God I
have a considerate employer and colleagues.  Some of them are also Fail Road
passengers.  If they were not, I would be fired from my job.

Your organization disgusts me.

The Fail Road Strikes Again…..

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This time they really fucked it up. There was a disabled train in the tunnel. Or was it three? I don’t think we’ll ever get the real story. I left the office a little after 5PM….I got home at 8:05PM. Just another day on the Fail Road.

It was about 5:05PM when I found myself on the way to the Fail Road….I cross 34th, I see the 34th Street exit was closed, we could tell by the gates. So we sheeple walk around to 33rd (The “Garden” Entrance)….we go down the stairs…that’s closed too.

There were no announcements. And more and more people are filling the concourse. Where are the people from the Fail Road? Nowhere to be found. Instead, we’re penned in like fucking animals Standing there like a herd, staring at a fucking gate. This was for more than an hour. During that time, there was nothing from the Fail Road. Police officers walked by, claimed ignorance (of course). We saw a guy with a Fail Road management badge pass by…he was running like he was being chased by bulls in Pamplona. I bet he was running…to do nothing. Fucking bastard.

Finally, at around 6:10 the gates were opened. And, as expected, the sheeple all rushed the gate. They also rushed the gate when they saw it open about a foot. There was a train that came into Penn (maybe it was the people from the disabled train(s)?). The cop behind the gate was yelling at them to get back. It was like yelling at the the wall. These situations bring out the worst in people. The way the Fail Road handles these, it’s understandable.

The Fail Road is a total, complete and absolute disgrace. Why does this always happen? My problem is not the delay itself but it’s the response. It’s like they are re-inventing the fucking wheel every time there is some sort of glitch. Is every delay that occurs the FIRST TIME THERE HAS EVER BEEN A FUCKING DELAY? HOW CAN THIS BE?

I would love to know who made the calls to close Penn and to not make announcements. In short, I would love to know who was the person who told thousands of people to go fuck themselves. This person should be fired, their benefits rescinded, and they should be dragged through the streets so we can tar and feather them for they are a complete failure as an employee.

This will happen again. I know it will. Bring on the fare increases.

FUCK THE FAIL ROAD!! AND FUCK EVERYONE WHO WORKS THERE. ASSHOLES! ALL OF YOU!

Open the %&#$& Doors You Morons!

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This morning, at Jamaica, I got off the train to transfer to the one to Penn. I step off, walk across the platform and wait for the 7:45. It rolls in, stops and we wait. I love when this happens. The doors didn’t open for four minutes. FOUR FUCKING MINUTES.

What were the conductors doing during this time? Were they hiding in their little cubby holes from us? Why does this always happen? Is it so fucking hard to OPEN THE FUCKING DOORS when the FUCKING TRAIN HAS STOPPED?

This happens at Jamaica, it happens at Penn….it happens all over the fucking place. What the hell is going on? I don’t want to hear that “it’s only a few minutes”….Yeah, it’s only a few minutes, but it’s not about the fucking time. It’s about how we’re standing on the fucking platform like assholes waiting for the fucking doors to open. But wait, they’re not opening because some asshole WHO WORKS FOR US doesn’t give a shit about their job.

Enough of this shit already. Next time the fucking doors don’t open, I’m gonna show my ticket later. Let the fucking conductor wait. They made me wait to get it. So now, they can fucking wait to see my ticket.