If you ride the LIRR, when I say “Jamaica Sucks” you know I’m not referring to the tropical island. Our Jamaica is not a tropical island by any stretch of the imagination. OUR Jamaica is a fucking shithole on earth. 

On its own it’s an awful place. The Fail Road and the people (my fellow asshole commuters) don’t make it any better.

Let’s start out with the sign gazers. There are signs on the tracks for each train AND the larger displays that show you which trains are arriving on the different tracks. If you want to look at these, find a place to move to the side and study them. DO NOT STAND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING PLATFORM AS PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO WALK! Try to be a little more aware of your surroundings. And, if I’m already IN the fucking train, do NOT duck your head in and ask me if the “train stops at Penn Station”. LOOK UP AT THE FUCKING SIGNS LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. And, there’s an app too. USE THE FUCKING APP!

And then there’s the slow walkers. Move your fucking ass! If you’re gonna walk slow, move to the right. There’s no reason why a fat bastard like me with two bad knees should be zooming past you people. All I hear is “Oh I work out, and I run” bla bla. So fucking SHOW ME that you do. If I’m able to zoom past you then all I can assume is that you’re fucking lying.

Finally, let’s toss a great big FUCK YOU to all of you assholes with the rolling cases. Is it possible that you can drag those things along with you and NOT roll over people’s feet or slam into their legs? And, for all of you families out there, GET A FUCKING VAN. There is barely enough room on the trains for the NORMAL commuters. We don’t need you fucking clogging shit up with your three fucking children and seven rolling cases. 

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

Audio Commentary: