When riding the Fail Road on a consistent basis, you notice many people. Most people are the usual hard-working kind, who just want to get to and from work with as few problems as possible. Then there are others who you notice because they do certain things that are just plain fucking annoying. Take this guy, for example…

There’s a guy who gets on the train at Westwood. He constantly chews gum. Big deal. Except, he chews his cum like a cow. His jaw moves in a circular motion. Mouth wide open, fillings and crooked teeth all visible. If this guy didn’t wear his usual sweater vests or cheaply made off the rack Syms suits, you’d think he would be ready for his morning milking. If this dude has a dental plan, he ain’t using it. I bet if there was someone sitting next to or across from him and they were chewing their gum like some fucking cow in a field, he’d be the first one to complain about it.

On top of this, he uses the train as his own personal dressing room. As he gets on the train and finds his seat, there are still people walking behind him. Once he finds his seat, he doesn’t just sit down, he blocks the aisle and proceeds to remove his jacket verrrrrrrrryyyy sllllooooowwwwllyyyyy (all while chewing his gum like a cow). In addition, he sometimes leaves his briefcase on the floor next to his seat and leans on the guy next in the window seat so he can toss his coat/jacket on the overhead rack. What a fucking tool.

While he does this, he’s totally oblivious to the angry looks, snorts and people calling him names or telling him to move. Then, when he’s done, if he’s not reading his newspaper (while chewing his cud), he’s staring at people. Why? What’s this guy’s deal anyway? Weird fuckers like this deserve to be locked up.

Hey asshole, the fucking train is not a dressing room. Get to your fucking seat and park your ass in it. You’re not special.